Taking ownership of lifes little challenges

A key part of my belief system is that everything that I do and say, even everything that I think is my responsibility. This may sound a little harsh or extreme, but it goes further. By extrapolation if that is true, which for me it is, then everything that happens as a consequence of my actions, or indeed my inaction is also my responsibility, so in the office environment, when the broadband goes down because the extension cable to the router is too long, that is my responsibility on two levels. Firstly because I am best placed within the company to deal with that situation, but also because as someone who knows a little about computer networking I should have spotted that a six core telephone extension cable was unsuitable to run to a broadband router and I should have replaced it with an four pair ethernet cable before it went down.

I use this example to highlight that there may be a flaw in my logic. The reason that the router was connected with the lower grade cable was because the company didn't have the right cable, which is not something that I can fix so the failure of the cable is not particularly a consequence of anything that I can change, but I still blame myself. Perhaps I shouldn't but it isn't something that is within my power to control. I beat myself up over all sorts of things like this and it can be detrimental to my mental health, but it also keeps me productive because I am constantly monitoring my environment and my actions and thoughts and trying to establish the best course of action in any given situation.

I wonder how many other people spend their time in self-flagellation over thoughts like these? Personal gnosis, or self awareness can be a tricksy thing sometimes, as can taking personal responsibility for things which are fundamentally outside your control. I know I should stop, but then I wouldn't be me I guess, so I'll just keep plugging away, doing what I do, thinking what I think, and see what happens next....