I sometimes find it difficult to reconcile my Pagan beliefs with my day to day existence. There, I’ve said it, I’ve admitted that I am not Uber-Pagan, not some kind of green suited, tree dwelling half elf at one with the birds and plants and animals. I live in a society where in order to exist I need food, fuel, shelter, healthcare, transport and so on. I need to work to live. I need to shop for some things I can’t produce myself. I am probably never going to be in a position to be self sufficient. So, the question is, to what extent can I live a “Pagan” life within the constraints of a modern Western urban setting? For me this comes down to a question of awareness and an understanding of limitations, coupled with a constant process of self-challenge to try to make the fit more complete. My Pagan beliefs are that I should tread as lightly as possible on Mother Earth, leaving as little impact as possible whilst maintaining myself as one of her creatures in the best way I can, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
To take living lightly as a start point, what does this actually mean to me? I understand that almost everything I do leaves a mark on the Mother. The house I live in is built from her skin. The furniture I use is made from her children of the forest. The roads that I use to get around prevent water from seeping into her pores. Every time I turn on a light or get on a bus I am consuming energy that was part of the fabric of her garments and polluting the air that she breaths. The food that I eat is produced in ways that defy nature rather than working with her and the clothes that I wear are questionable in provenance. And that is just the start point, the issues run far deeper into banking practices, governance, education, health, defence, energy and so on. Some of these I can influence directly, some are more of a challenge being outside my immediate control. It can sometimes seem overwhelming to think about what difference I as an individual can make given the vast consumer base of the Western World. It took me a long while to accept that my decisions had value, had worth and made any difference at all, but I reached a point whereby I had to live according to my beliefs, or give up my beliefs. The disconnect between the two states becoming too damaging to me psychologically.
I made the decision to understand each of my purchasing decisions, and to understand which could be modified, and in what way they could be modified. The start point was to establish a habit of analysis about every decision, in such a way that the analysis process did not remove my ability to make decisions. This was quite a tricky balancing act to begin with and there were times when I found it impossible to make a decision within a timeframe that was acceptable, leading to some frustration on my part and quite a lot of brow beating. Over time the process became easier as I established a more secure framework within which to make decisions, but it has been a slow and at times painful process. I’m not in any sense suggesting this as a requirement of a Pagan path, just something that was specific to me, but I did find that taking the extra step of analyzing my decision making process and reaching an understanding of the difference between wants and needs, and the personal necessity of understanding how flexible my personal ethics are and to what extent I am prepared to compromise. It has been an interesting process for me, and I wonder to what extent other people have modified their activities, or their beliefs, or both to fit their Paganism into their day to day life?
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